Dirty Whore

The iPhone... It's just amazing, so amazing that people that don't even need fucking iPhones have them! People that are allergic to iPhones want one. I mean who the hell gets an iPhone and then doesn't plug it into a computer? EVER! More people than you can possibly imagine. Now everyone's got one, ten year olds, mice, inanimate objects, really old people that have no idea how to do anything except send forty of the same email because they're trying to attach a photo to it, which you still never get! I hate old people, they're so annoying can't they just die already. If I was captain of the world (or king, or queen or dictator, I love to dictate, I've even been told that my dictates very good) I would command all people under 18 and over fifty be vaporized (oh, when I'm queen we'll have laser guns). Although that does present a problem if the kids were killed before they turned 18. It's a work in progress, I'll make a committee or something. Back to the topic, old people should not have iPhones. I mean come on! It's not like anyone wants to talk to them anyway. What do you talk to an old person about? It's never anything you want to hear. It's about "back when I was your age" or "I'm ready to go, I hope the good lord takes me soon". That brings up yet another point, for some reason ALL old people are religious. Were there no atheists 108 years ago? But by far the group that should have the least iPhones are Armenians. Bro, my iPhone never works right, I better go to the Apple store and have them give me another one. It froze once and it only gets three days of battery life, but I'll tell them it's thirty minutes. Trust me I know. I've sat at the Genius Bar at the Glendale Galleria. Oh and another thing, I think that the Tasmanian Devil was inspired by Armenians. I mean think about it, they are both brown, hairy and the language sounds pretty much the same. Ok back to the subject, don't buy your 88 year old grandmother an iPhone. Or any phone. Just take her some hair nets and a coffee cup with a cat on it. She'll be happy as a clam.