GOD JUST DO IT!!!

Ok, I didn't just realize this recently or anything but working in retail sucks! Seriously is there a worse job in the world than having to.. Ugh, "help people". So I work in a retail job and let me tell you, no one is less cut out to offer customer service than me. Extremely moody people are cut out for great things but unfortunately none of them involve making money. Now if I was helping people to decide to commit suicide I'd be top earner. That's the kind of job I need. I could tell people the truth, like, "oh just do it, have you looked at yourself lately, you're not getting any prettier, it's all downhill from here, nobody loves you and your getting one mad double chin and you don't have any money you don't even have kids to take care of you when you're senile, do you know what they do to you in nursing homes, do it now and there'll still be a moderately attractive corpse for people to bid farewell to." OMG, I just got chills writing that! Damn I wish that was a real job! Fuck! Why can't I make money from something I'm good at?!?!

GeneEva

Hey there fellow old people, grab your walker and get ready to kick it cuz we got something real special for ya. It's called GeneEva. Hey It's gonna make ya feel like you're 80 again. This stuff's got B pollen, moose knuckle extract, more vitamins than I got time to list, cyanide, yeah cyanide. It might kill ya but whatta ya got to lose at this age anyway. Besides the odds are its just gonna help ya build up a resistance to cyanide and if your bastard kids try to kill ya with it you'll really show them who's boss huh. Yeah fuck those kids, in fact this stuff's gonna give you the energy to kill them and get away with it, see if they get an inheritance then cuz they'll be dead and you'll probably outlive them by about 30 years. And go ahead, be as sloppy about the murder as you want cuz what court is gonna convict you, you're 103 years old and in a walker, you can't even find your way out of a grocery store much less plan and implement a murder. Besides you're 103 you're probably gonna die in a few months anyway it wouldn't be worth the hassle. And just let em try putting you under cross examination, you're confused by traffic signals, the only coherent thing they're gonna get out of you is a desire to end the trial real early. GeneEva, it's gonna change your life, don't wait cuz let's face it you're on bonus time at this point. GeneEva, it's gonna give ya back your dirty old man sex drive too. Cuz the world needs a steady flow of sexual predators who else is gonna drink all the iced tea and fuel television shows like To Catch a Predator? Worried about conviction? See above. GeneEva, it's what all the old people are talking about whenever they get their dentures in right and aren't taking a nap. GeneEva, it's made of real pigs feet. GeneEva, It's a convention but that's not the one we're talking about, confused? That's ok it's just cuz you're old just take some GeneEva, it's got just a little bit of Crack Cocaine. GeneEva, get it while you have your grandson around to find it for ya. GeneEva, it's like the fountain of youth got dried out and put in a pill. GeneEva, It'll clean out your colon like a high powered pressure washer. GeneEva, It'll help you remember even more stories to tell everybody about. And who doesn't like old people stories? GeneEva, it won't help you figure out how to send an email but it will help you to not give a shit. GeneEva, now with a triple does of Xanax built right in. GeneEva, it'll make the white of your eyes turn black and nothing says don't fuck with me like black eyeballs. GeneEva, buy one now and get a free cardboard cutout of a talkin' parrot.